Talking with a couple creative friends of mine, one an actor, and one a comedian/editor, I've found that sometimes it can be really difficult to put yourself in a place where you can be creative all the time. As much as we tell each other, man I just want to work on comedy, I just want to go act in a play somewhere and move to LA and really go for it, life presents a very real challenge of having to balance adulthood responsibilities with dreams of being a performer and making shows and movies.
Not everyone makes it big in their twenties or even their thirties, and it's this kind of rationale that keeps me going in hopes that I'll make it there some day soon. Within my notes, I constantly write little positive reminders to myself that, "hey, you're paying off debt and saving to make a show!" and "hey, you write all the time and are SO close to actually creating a real show that you're proud of." I've been writing these little positive reinforcements to myself for a long time. It's a bit easier now that I'm taking notes with my phone, where I can delete some redundancies, and I can always have a place to go back and look when I'm finding I need some comforting. I remember a few years back my friend Dominic found a handwritten note saying "YOU'RE OKAY! EVERYTHING IS OKAY!!" in one of my novels, and he told me he wondered if his friend was just fucking insane or cliche or what. I mean probably a combination of all of three.
There are a lot of real adult things that we have to deal with before we get to the actual creating part. Personally, I've been working three jobs lately in hopes of saving up some money to create a show, but also to pay off some very real credit card and student loan debt that I've been busy accruing in my mid twenties. I've had kind of a childlike view of my own personal finances, and it wasn't until I put two grand towards a credit card that I realized, "wow, I have a lot of fucking credit card debt." How much interest have I been blindly paying off while drugged out and not moving forward in my life? Thousands, most likely. I've been really determined in paying it off and reducing my overall monthly payments, so that if I do move to New York or LA I won't be bogged down by a negative financial situation.
I know this part isn't really that interesting, but it's what I'm going through, and I know for a fact that everyone my age is probably in some kind of debt, or is at least trying to improve their financial situation. The high interest stuff really bothers me, but it's really comforting to know that I have a real plan for eliminating my debts and saving for the future. It took me a long time to find sources of income that I like, and I feel are worth my time, while also giving me the time to write and reflect and take in the world around me. I feel like that is one of the most important things in making yourself feel better about your situation, to have a mental road map of where you want to be, and the steps you need to take in order to get there. Creating characters, creating a show, and having the money to do it, it all feels so real to me now, and I really do have peace of mind knowing that I'm taking all the right steps to get there (well, maybe). Even thinking of alternate creative projects, like training with some world class magicians for a while after the show is done, helps me not put all my eggs in one basket, and gives me things to constantly look forward to in the future. Without that (and I really went a long while without giving myself a lot of hope, at least creatively), it really feels difficult to be able to be positive about a full day's workload, and to feel inspired and hopeful about what tomorrow and the day after that might bring.
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I work for a search engine in the mornings, sorting through various twitter feeds and news articles to update search results so they appear at the top of the feed. At nights, I drive for a local restaurant, which gives me time to listen to the news, or whatever NPR podcasts or interviews are playing for the evening. It all helps keeps me informed of the world around me, and to think about different topics that I might not necessarily think of while hanging out with my grungy friends at a house show.
It's really interesting to see what the internet is searching for every day. Lately there's been a lot of turmoil and heartache (well I suppose there's always stuff like that in the news), murder and natural disasters. Our future is looking kind of bleak with all these viruses and climate changes, and what seems to be a lack of interest in communicating about the racial and cultural divide in our country. Trump, Hillary, Ryan Lochte, and Colin Kaepernick have all been dominating headlines lately. So have KIM KARDASHIAN ASS, KYLIE JENNER ASS, AND KHLOE KARDASHIAN. There are a lot of famous 19 year old people in the world I found out.
Anyway, all this searching gives me time to write about things that are completely irrelevant. I know I said it was inspiring to learn about what the internet searches for, but what really inspires me is my own anxiety towards how successful other people seem to be, and my own guilt about living a life that is completely happy and free of any real tragedy, while still being jealous of Kylie Jenner's ass. I mean, why the hell am I jealous of a nineteen year old girl with a big ass? Is that what I want to be? Do I WANT to be a nineteen year old girl with 65 million instagram followers? In a way, fucking probably.
And here we go, some real time character analysis and character inspiration! Maybe my doll character Chelsea is really inspired by Kylie Jenner, or is at least doing exercises to improve her own physique. People that might not necessarily inspire me, may inspire what my other characters are doing. Yangley isn't really a musician, but finds a lot of inspiration in listening to the Police, Wheatus, and Savage Garden. Tony is inspired by all the christian meetups that are happening in 2016, all the praise and worship and devotion to god that all these different celebrities have and don't have. Silver bobcat just wants to be a fucking hero like that kid who survived a brain eating amoeba, going so far as to giving himself a brain eating amoeba but having to be hospitalized several times and being upset that he hasn't gotten any media coverage because of it.
Patrik is inspired by people in the sex industry, kidnapping girls in his "DISNEY CHANNEL" van and taking them to the set in hopes of a future acting career. He's also the one who put ryan lochte up to what he did, in order to rig the olympics to make a fortune in Vegas with his earnings going under the radar in the national media.
I'm cutting myself off a little short there, but hopefully you get the point. Your characters can be shaped and influenced by the things you see in the news, and the anxiety or feelings you have toward celebrities and politicians and natural disasters. Feelings aren't always black and white, and neither are your characters. It's important to flesh them out constantly, to give them new traits every now and again, new hopes and desires and role models to keep things fresh and to help give you ideas on what they're aspiring to do next. Without that goal in mind, not only will your characters fall flat, but you probably will too, at least creatively.
I'm getting a little sleepy, so I'll get more into how pain can influence your art, and the correlation between my own pain and creativity a little later. I guess if anything, my main point in this post is that you should constantly be trying to integrate your experiences and the world around you into your art as often as you can. When you hold it in all the time, it doesn't really turn into anything other than anxiety or a false sense of knowing what's going on. Try to find inspiration in the smallest places, in things that you hear, in things that you see in other people. Really try to be good to people, and understand them in the same way you try to understand yourself. I can't tell you how often I see some dum ass teen musician or punk in their 20s trying to be cool while hating their parents completely ignore the world around them. Be more culturally sensitive. Interact with people who aren't like you, but remember to interact with people who are like you too.
Take notes as often as you can. Some people seem to be under the impression that although I'm taking a lot of notes, it doesn't mean I'm actually writing. To that I say, nobody goes up to a fucking painter or a musician halfway through a composition and tells them, "well this isn't fucking ANYTHING dipshit!!! When are you actually gonna CREATE something!?" Then when the painting or the song is finished they're like, "fukking FINALLY! something i can SEE!!!"
That's how I feel about taking notes. I don't know how people write or create without them.
Oh, and remember to listen to as much new music and watch as many films as you can. I've been getting a lot of inspiration from those two things alone, even while working a busy schedule. It's important to consume art from different people. It's therapeutic and inspiring and just a great way to get out of your own stupid head. Here's a list of movies I've been watching lately, cause hey why not
MOVIE LIST FOR THE PAST COUPLE WEEKS:
kasparov vs deep blue documentary
the boy and the beast
spirited away
the wind rises
birdman
her
the grand budapest hotel
...random one piece and naruto episodes at age 29
With love and compassion and insecurity,
-G
ps. i think all my characters should be in crippling debt too
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